Sadly advertising that uses these kind of cliches sounds like hype.
Here's a non-cliched way to make such offers sound interesting.
Imagine how customers might feel if they had bought a bona-fide ball-tearing offer: they might feel guilty that they'd ripped the advertiser off. In that case what might they do?
They could phone the advertiser at night - "I can't sleep I feel so guilty"
They could turn themselves in at the local police station.
They could invite the advertiser to a family event to help pay back the favour.
They could mow the lawn, wash the car for him/her.
The examples I have of this approach appear to have corrupted on the disc!